Disclosure This is a blog about food and that is why you are here. I never get too personal and never want to use my blog as a therapy session, after all you are here for the food. But this post is not about food but rather my humble way of honoring my best friend. It will be personal, painful and emotional. If that bothers you please come back another time.
Tuesday, August 23rd will forever be one of the saddest and hardest days of our lives, (mine and my husband’s). It was the day that we had to let go of and say goodbye to our best friend. Panchito passed away at home in his daddy’s lap and mommy holding his paw. We stroked his body, looked into his eyes and told him how much we loved him as we painfully watched him take his last breaths. I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was to have to say goodbye knowing we would never again get to touch him, nor kiss him or tell him we love you, no one to greet us at the door. We are heartbroken, we are distraught.
My husband and I have each other to comfort one another, cry, share memories and laughs of all the silly Panchito stories. Yet our days are lonely and so quiet without him. It just hurts so much.
The second night without him we had a huge and loud thunderstorm. As I laid there listening to it I could only think about how the sounds described my heartache. The lightning bolts like the stabbing pain I feel in my heart, while the tears wash over me like the heavy rain the storm brings.
Many of you knew of Panchito from the silly posts he inspired me to write, so I thought his passing is something I also needed to write about. But I don’t want to just write about how much pain we feel or how many tears we’ve shed. Panchito had the brightest aura and spirit of anyone, 2 or 4 legged, I know. He didn’t like seeing us sad, upset or crying. So I humbly attempt to honor him by telling you about that special spirt that was our little pup.
Panchito was not just a dog. He was an unwavering endless heart overflowing with love. He was my compañero or companion. Everyday no matter where I was in the house or what I was doing he was right there beside me. My little shadow keeping an eye on me. The adorable package he came in paired with his sunny disposition was one of a kind. He was my ray of sunshine.
He was always friendly with strange humans and dogs. He happily shared his food and toys with any puppy that came into our home. Often times I saw the surliest of faces light up when he walked up to them with a smile and a very happy tail wag. Panchito was happy and wanted everyone to be so.
At age 6 he had an accident that left him partially paralyzed, we were told he’d never walk again. But such was his spirit, his joie de vivre that one night regardless of the pain he stood himself up and forced his legs to move, to walk again. That determination to walk again was one of the most inspiring things I’ve ever seen. Within a few months he walked as normal as could be. Within a couple of years he was back to jumping in the air nearly as high as my height of 4f 11in.
Everyday he woke up happy. Our mornings were always made brighter when he came over for the mandatory morning hugs, kisses and body rubs. Our days active with family walks, or work breaks to stop and give but most importantly receive some Panchito love. He walked the house making his rounds checking and greeting his mommy and daddy. Meal times he patiently waited to see what treat he would get. In this last year he developed this thing about getting a hug and snuggling with his daddy after dinner, so precious to watch. Bedtime came and I simply needed him by my side or by my feet in order to fall asleep.
Panchito loved KFC chicken, roasted chicken, pepperoni pizza, tuna salad and so many more things. He loved his many beds around the house. He loved his blankets and pillows. He loved sitting on his balcony and on the window sill. He loved to be blow dried after his bath. He loved the snow and wearing his sweaters in the cold. He loved attention, hugs, kisses and hearing he was a good boy. He loved going for family walks and exploring his neighboorhood. He loved his mommy and daddy dearly and missed us every time we walked out the door.
Panchito gave us the best 13 years of our lives. He made us a family. Our whole marriage has always just been the 3 of us. We came to Europe together not knowing anyone, but we were together. My husband described us a stool. It takes 3 legs to steady a stool. Though the stool is very wobbly it is Panchito’s memory and energy that is steading it right now. He was there for me during hard times and always made me feel better. Times as hard as this he would scoot himself into my body to look up at me as though he was telling me everything would be okay. All the love he gave and showed is too grand to put into ordinary words. It is one that only my heart can describe and one that I simply cannot do justice to.
The last month of his life we spoiled him even more than usual, it was like we all knew what was soon to come. The very last hours of his life our sweet puppy though in discomfort still wagged his tail and came over to be touched. He was unselfish, pushed what he was feeling aside and tried to comfort us. His bottomless love was there to the very last breath.
We will miss him the rest of our lives. He left me with the best life lessons like we should appreciate every waking moment of our short lives, we should show and tell our family and friends how much we love them. He taught me never to give up, he thought me to find some joy in everything no matter how hard the situation. He taught me to love deeper.
Panchito was buried in a magical meadow under a pine tree. He loved smelling our Christmas trees and the treats that the season brought, a pine tree is so fitting. As he was being buried a fawn slowly walked across the field. It was magical, it was beautiful and it was a reminder of how beautiful and fragile life is. It was a reminder that energy is never destroyed. Panchito’s body may have been buried but that uniquely magical spirit, love, energy that he was will live on forever. I feel it every time I think about him.
Te quiero mucho my amorsito, I miss you so much and I’ll never stop loving you.
A POEM FOR THE GRIEVING…
Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn’s rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die…
-Mary Frye- http://www.pet-loss.net/